Wednesday, 30 September 2009

"Goin' Loco, Down In Acupulco"

Title has nothing to do with this post, i've just been singing dat tune all frickin day man!!!

For those of you who enjoyed festivals all summer, big and small, from Reading Festival to the lesser known Bermondsey Street Festival...Saturday will be one of your last opportunity to enjoy the sights and sounds of outdoor coolness personified. On 03/10/09, Shoreditch will be hosting the annual StreetFest, hosted by mi ADIDAS and mainly contributed to by a Cocaine't 4 kidZ favourite streetwear designer Second Son, who will be presenting their mi ADIDAS collaboration trainer on the day...BULLET BULLET!!!

So Weather permitting, get ur fucking arses down to Hearn St, Shoreditch, London, EC2 3LS. Where dere'll be ass, beer, street festival stuff, mo' ass and a whole bunch of dudes riding bikes similar to Ignacio.

StreetFest – Saturday 3rd of October 2009 @ Hearne St car park,
7-11 Hearn St
2pm – 1am

After all da madness n if you havent pulled for da night and u still got enrgy to party on down, den bring yo muthafuckin asseses (yes i sed asseses as in 2 booty cheeks) down to mkt place where da WAH girls (Sexiest DJ's) and ovas will be spinning sum bangers til early hours.

*These guys have the best eva flyers man

Couple Brewskys + Bit of in line skating + Fixed Gear Cycling = Disaster Waiting to Happen

Peace In Da Middle East!!!


Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Monday, 28 September 2009


Ok. I'm chillin' with some A (she had a rant) chick that I used to link back in my uni days, we're just friends now, strictly. Her rules not mine... Anyways we're chillin' in some spot and these chciks wearing them leggings bop through the shit like they own the motherf*cker... NO! I thought. These chicks wit these big off back offs (yatties wit da big batties, as I was once told) did not just walk trough the place like that... NO WAY! But mistaken I was. They did. Now I've seen girls wear leggings as trousers before but not like this, this was some next Baddunka-dunk-dunk shit. Im telling ya. Impressive.

Anyways, basically, the chick I was with said "Leggings, should not be worn as trousers", just as I thought... If she was wearing them she would look BANGING aswell! I was tryna persuade her, but she werent havin' it...

Now I jus believe, if you aint got it, dont flaunt it. Simple. I mean, whats the point after I've seen that.

I dunno who the rass these guys are, but they can tell you better than I can...

Funny Guys!

Baddunka-dunk-dunks + Leggings - Ironing Boards = No fake ass Baddunka-dunking in LDN!

JonBoy (LDN)


On Saturday as I was preparing for a night out with the man-dem, I kinda got distracted and started channel surfing (as you do).  I only got like 25 channels init 'cos I don't have sky or nuttin, which sped up my route to a great film, titled... Rocky II... 

Sunday, 27 September 2009

This Camel Has A Big Toe.......

So I was doing my weekly search of new and exciting pornographic material pon' di world wide webbers (as you do) and  I accidentally came across this picture!! (dont ask me what I typed into the search engine)


Ok nice nipples but... Look at da madres-fucking (excuse my French/Spanish) CAMEL TOE on that!! This hoof is enough to make a geeza go crazy! If there ever is/was a camel toe'n competition she would take 1st, 2nd and 3rd place I tell ya...

Fat minge + skin-tight once piece = massive toe'ness ..... ''what is she hiding up there?"


Saturday, 26 September 2009

An Interview With The TRON

He makes another appearance on Cocaine't 4 kidZ. This time in an interview with Kevin Lanre and the Hot 110/Boxfresh Collab...oooohie! Check it out init.

JonBoy (LDN)

Art Video.

Alongside my attempts to post a decent Mixtape/Mix CD download everyweek, I'm starting suttin' else aswell. Now Everybody wants to know what the latest tunes are init? Fact! But move that to the side, lets go for good creativity in terms of videos now... I ain't talkin 'bout your everyday run of the mill video, that's just a video for videos sake, I'm talking art video.

So this is an example of a crappy Video... In any case i can't stop
watching it in hope that a breast will fly out n I'll see some
nippleage... kinda like soft porn i guess? Stop judgin me...
It's not cool dude.

My mate Dwayne Dibbly showed me this just...yesterday...
whilst we were on lunch (well I was, dunno what the rass he
was doin') And to everybody who's gonna tell me "you're late maaann"
Yeaaa, so what? Piss RIGHT Off! Son, Jim & Bob.
I'm gonna post the making of sooooon blud.

Mr Dibbly also showed me this, probably not as much 
money spent, but equally as effective and difficult.
Was well thought out.

And this is what I mean of Art Video. I gave you two this week. But keep checkin' back, got some chips, beans n Bangers lined up for ya.

Crappy Videos + Concept Videos = Tits 'n Ass + Art 'n Direction = One wholesome Female (My kinda girl)

JonBoy (LDN)

She's Jus Bein Her

Aite, so where I work, there's quite a few talented people (I am not one of them before you ask), you get people that do 3D modelling, motion graphics, video editing, sound engineering... add to that singers, rappers, producers, actors and one particular guy that just seems to do everything, but unfortunately, for him - not in my words - "He's a pikey!"

Anyways I got this other mate/colleague 'n her name is Justina Bailey or JusB - JusB is her alias if your wondering?  She's a graphic designer from North of the Thames (just a random fact) and her works, in my own words, "are Bloomin' off tha heeezy jeezy"! (that's not actually what I would say, but you get the bloody point...init?)  I mean have a look for yo'self bitchassnesses!

This is kinda what shee looks like. Kinda.

This is probably her signature piece. Girl looks peng too. And that guy
is Jizzin his pants as we type/read... i mean look @ his eye lmao.

Is it me or do the clouds and sun look like faces?

A live drawing she did for the DJ booth at her B'day.
The Booth from Just on Vimeo.

Another live drawing she did for a wall @ her B'day. Freestyle style.
The Wall from Just on Vimeo.

She's done work for Boxfresh and DV8 so be sure to check out her website... 'n look out for her style on a street near you.

Justina Bailey + Poon = Cartoon poon... haha that rhymes... but you can't jizz to cartoon poon... uh uh. Not coool!

Jonboy (LDN)

Friday, 25 September 2009

I Got An Hangover But... Cnt tell me NOTHING!!

We are all aware of the film 'The Hangover'.... right? If you haven't seen it then I don't know where da fuck you've been and if u have seen it but did not find it funny or did not like it for any reason then..... you have no soul....
Anyways.... you should remember da character 'Alan' played by the comedian Zach Galifianakis, in my opinion probably the funniest character in the film mate...
...Its this handsome old chap by da way...

So even before I watched The Hangover I saw this HILARIOUS remake of Kanye West's 'Can't tell me nothing' that Zach Galifianakis did.... I swear this had me piss'n my pants for ages at da seriousness of the whole video.... Its propa old and I wudda posted it ages ago but guess what? I didn't have a blog back then so.. shut up and watch this visual..

how he stay faithful inna room full'a hoes...?

This guy is kinda fucked up and ... if you didnt find this hilerious then FAACK YOU!..haha "you cant tell me nothing!!"

Zach Galifianakis + kanye West = "Yo Kanye. im really happy for you and imma let you finish, BUT Zach Galifianakis was in one of the funiest films of all time!!"


Dragonball Z.......woop woop!!

People, i dont know about you but this rass cartoon....whoops, sorri 2 disrespect....this MANGA is the best animated thing to touch my tv screen. Look.... i dont careeee if urs is thundercats, paddington bear, barney, captain planet or poo bear......mine is DRAGONBALL Z!! POW!! POW!! KERRRPOW!! POW!!

I miss this thing sooo much. I kno i wasnt the only excited school kid who after school used 2 run home ASAP....i mean ASAP to watch Dragonball Z on cartoon network. When i say ASAP....i mean my school finishing at 3.00pm and me trying 2 get home by 3.11pm considering i had to get 2 buses home sometimes.....impossible huh? i didnt think so.....   I used to ditch playing after school football and linking chicks in the park behind the G.P. to watch dis shizzle!!

N Eway, watch dis.  I was one of the late kidz on this.  When GOKU morphed into a SUPER SAIYAN 4 the 1st time!!   OH MY DAYYYZZZZ!! When i first saw this i nearly.....or basically jizzed my pants.....even tho there was no poontang.................*looking up 2 the sky*  ---- wouldnt change the past 4 anything......

This was me watching it 4 the first time.......

Yea way!!

Please Note: It is recommended that you to watch the video from beginning to end to obtain the full jizzing effect!!

Dragonball Z + Excited Peckham Boy + At Home Alone = A Messy Rassclat Room.......and death and destruction!! (i'll leave dat 2 ur imagination)

Signing Out..........4NoW.........


Thursday, 24 September 2009

D's MOTHERF*CKER... D's... A classic line. Used by Kanye West in his track Good Morning,
"I mean, damn, did you even see the test...You got D's mother fucker, D's, Rosie Perez" and also in the old school movie Do The Right Thing, directed by Spike Lee.

Here's how you put it into a context. Bare racist. But hilarious.

Twen'y Friggin batteries... corrr!

Anyways its been like 20 years since this film was released, I studied it way back when, but I know some of you guys ain't seen it yet. But you gotta mannn. This is like one of the best films ever made. Serious. Watch it. If not for the vivid racisms and positive underlying messages (it was actually hard putting racist and positive in the same sentence), then at least for the comedy & popular culture references, so you know wtf is going on when peoples be talkin' around you.  I'm not gonna talk about it anymore cos thats long and I'm not the IMDB or Wikipedia, so motherfucker yoou! LMAO.

Here's one more clip from the film... and if you don't watch it after this, then "who the rassclart are ya?"

$108 wit' tax...

Spike Lee + Racist undertones + Rosie Perez = A controversial comedy... with Poooon.

Jonboy (LDN)

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

The Drizzy Effect...

Just like they did to Kid Cudi, they did to Drake! They DJ EV'd him! Artwork stlyes and everything.

I personally haven't listened to it yet but both artist and producer track records speak volumes.  Should be  a decent listen.  Will update this motherf'er shortly. But while you wait for my most valued of opinions, make one of your own. Here.

Im actually feeling ashamed that 3 of my last 4 posts have been downloads, but Hey! What can you do?


Drizzy Effect + Facebook + Twitter = More "Have you heard that new Drake tune...?" Statuses in about 4-5 months... happens every time. I look forward to it.

Jonboy (LDN)

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Schon! Magazine Launch 'Parr' -Ty

So me and Joey decided to go to the Schon magazine launch party.. (gunshot salute to my mate OLIVE for getting us tickets) during the London Fashion Week. I cant be asked to explain what kinda magazine it is so click HERE and just see for your bloodclart self.
It was cool vibe, a nice amount of 'poon' floating about and it even had a little gallery of articles from the magazine in another room... but it was one of them networking parties..and what da fuck have we got to network apart from our bodies? so we chilled for another hour or so... had a couple beers (whiles every else was drinking champaign and cocktails) then quietly 'moonwalked' our way to da exit...

I have a few visuals aswel.... they r kinda shit but who gives'a faack ay...

Tits and Ass is cool..

cute looking pootang

Joey pretending that he is reading but actually planning our escape...

 Hes back looks fucked!.. cool pic tho..

looking pissed coz he didn't get to jizz in hes pants

Mass Networking...

The lovely Olive and her mate Clemence

DaKid an Kelly looking like they are holding hands

Fake smiles all round!!

I got a free pack of tampons in my Schon goodie bag!! Nice!!

Once again da night ends with food!!

magazine launch party + Alot of networkers = early night ending with KFC


Monday, 21 September 2009

I wouldn't mind my bunny boiled

So I was sitting at ma desk at work da ova day working hard at finding more efficient ways of avoding work. Then BANG!! my Blackberry started vibrating n flashing... my mate PornoSil. We regularly conversate on why the world is the way it is, with regards to relationships between males and females, i.e. males just wanna "Get up in the cut like DETTOL!!!" and girls just wanna love and be loved.

After lengthy discussion we both managed to agree that there are two types of people in this world...CRAZY and SANE withe different variations for male and female.

SANE Males:
Typical run of the mill guy, will call your phone once, talks to maybe 1 - 3 girls at once when not in a relationship, avoids commitment, bashes at least 3-5  a week to a good porno and knows a couple porn stars, front about how they feel and withold emotions

CRAZY males:
Will call your phone non stop until da police need to be involved, doesnt bash or bashes 1-3 times a week not to visual stimulae but to his own warped imgaination, calls you "baby", has hit a girl before out of love and not anger, talk to you about having their baby not for family reasons but for ownership and tries to cut you off from the rest of the world, possibly have a sexual offence

*Christian Bale about to ''boy off da ting'' in American Psycho

SANE Female:
Does not masturbate or watch porn,  talks about herself all the time, avoids being in her own presence regularly, calls your phone once and once only...
As you can see there is not much info on Sane females as they are thought to be a pre -historic and extinct creature

CRAZY females:
Masturbate, and can hold a great convo on who's who of the porno industry, from Lacey DuValle to Mr Marcus, are passionate kissers and sensitive, say your name more than 6 times in a conversation, flick their hair/weave back wen its not in their face, have had a pet pass away, have low anger tolerance and high tempers and experience a dichotemy of mood swings e.g. happiness to jealous, rage to empathy.

*Glen Close (da original bunny boiler) in Fatal Attraction

With the aid of PornoSil (a self confessed Crazy Female) I came up with sum mathematical equations to summarise relationships

Crazy guy + Crazy girl = Accidental Death (not recommended)

Crazy guy + Sane girl = Murder (most likely strangulation)

Sane girl + Sane guy = Boring!!! ( that the time? did u just see dat tumble weed roll by…)
Crazy girl + Sane guy = Great Sex (scratches on back, ice cream, marshmallow, biting, feathers...)

*This post does not necessarily reflect the views and beliefs of Cocaine't 4 kidZ

"Having a sane girl is kool n all, but sane dnt get u woman in a purple trenchcoat waiting 4u at a busstop wearin nuffin but lingerie n knee high boots"...PornoSil

Feel free to comment on characteristics which you think are missing

Im all mathed out so no round up calculations this time

Nuff Said!!!


Sunday, 20 September 2009

The Adventures Of Ignacio...and me

For those of you who know me, u'll all be aware that I am a fan of the great not the counrtyside but da inner city sights and sounds. I usually stroll around da city and enjoy watching drunken street fights from a safe distance.  I also always love to roll with my trusted Steed, Ignacio (kinda like BraveStarr and Marshall, for all of you that have good memories).

*Ignacio - a bit old but trust worthy

While trying to pimp my ride in London Bridge I stumbled across a festival where they were handing out free food samples, giving out free alcohol and free bottles of my arch nemesis...that endless supply of Vitamin Water that is at every show/festival I go to.

It was the 2nd annual Bermondsey Street Festival - Fashion Show, with local designers such as Cockfighter Bermondsey, Pussywillow (laughing at dat name for ages), Charlotte Casadejus and many more. The Poon to Penis ratio was highly favourable, their was free food and drinks, free bike doctors, the weather was banging and the police even let us put a bit of Sensimilla in our roll ups.  Heres a couple of snaps taken from my shitty Blackberry Pearl camera so if you dont like the can DERELICTE my balls!!!



*I feel a fashion show cummin on





After all the festivities I kinda slouched in a corner slightly sozzled and high with Ignacio and sum new found friends debating philosophy and why guys can't have multiple orgasms...

LDN Bridge + Ignacio + A few pretty Women + Sensimilla = I've failed ma piss test on 2 counts

Hi 5's ALL ROUND!!!


Its Not Artsy Fartsy .... Just Josh..

So I've got a mate called Josh Jeavons who I use to work with in what some might call an 'undergound dungeon' somewhere on Oxford Street.... don't ask exactly what the job was, just kno that all we did for 8hrs on a Saturday was base out da sickest ol'skool Hip Hop an talk about music, football, and celebrity poontang.
He studied art at UEL (University Of East London)...which now makes him an artist....init...
Ok I'm not an analyser of art or what ever 'dem' people are called but I think he's work is farrking sick I tell ya!! (excuse my french/cockney) mainly because I think he loves the 'poon' as much as I do, which is expressed in his graffiti styled work..

Anyways.. couple of my favourites down below. .Ave'a look for yourself dawg...

Da man himself

SEE! I told you hes work was Hektick..(wiv a capital tick)...

Josh Jeavons + Graffiti Art + Females  = Great visual stimulations... and being attracted to fictional poontang..

Pioneer CDJ 2000- Me thinks... Serato Eat Your Heart OUT!

So for all you budding DJ's (MOST of you wont care, BUT I don't care... that you don't), your first step to fame and fortune is to buy yourself TWO of these. I mean... they can do everything you and your laptop can. CD's, USB's even flippin' SD cards (SERATO Who?)... they have a screen, full colour aswell, which tells you all the shit you need to know to mix them new joints you researched on wikipedia then downloaded off Limewire (I, in no way support, endorse, encourage, condone or use Limewire for illegal downloading of music, for either personal, professional or business uses) the night before.  They ain't cheap, I could have sworn i read it's like $2000 PER deck, but hey... do what you gotta do to release dat mixtape man... errrrr. JOEY?

Now, they call me a gadget boy, but this particular gadget has too many features for even me... so visit here to find out more.

Joey + CDJ 2000= Bangin' mixes. Joey - CDJ2000= Ummm... Bangin' mixes??? Stay tuned. Stooopid!

Jonboy (LDN)

Saturday, 19 September 2009

MEDINA ----> Danish Sensation!!

Listen 2 me..... right NOW!!!

This wonderrrrful lady is called u've most probably already gathered. She is a Danish artist from Denmark lool.                     That sounds stupid huh?? Danish artist from Denmark.... who cares!

She originally made this song in Denmark and it sent shockwaves through the country. It spent 7 weeks at No1 over there......pretty neat innit??  That means it was a SMASH!!  If Tempa T was writing this, all you would see is SMASH SMASH SMASH on your screen.......and the occassional.....CLEAROUT!!

But yeah......It was sooooo sick a major UK label called PARLOPHONE signed her and got her to do it again in english coz not all of us can understand Danish unless your name is Jasper Grankjaer or Klass Jun Huntelaar?? 

Whiles we been on our escapades, i've constantly tried to play this to the rest of the CoCaine'T4kidZ gang but they dont react.....its like when i play it they turn into zoombies and cant hear this is not a SMASH!!   But they're chi chi like dat......

Anyway its big...I suggest listening to this Twice!  

One where you just watch the video...... (obviously), and one where you close ur eyes and imagine your somewhere far far away lol -------->> But boths times do it LOUD!!  If this chooon dont possess you in some sorta way, i really dont know wots wrong with your eardrums.....or your brain....or your sense of good music.....


P.s. i fink i fancy her now....Medina... come swoop me off my feet....PURRLEASE!!

Banging Tune + Loud speakers + A Pretty Lady = iZE being inspired and flying off to mars to write love songs.....

Signing Out........4Now......


DJ Obvious Backing Mayhem and Hype MUSIC!

So like I do every wednesday at 4:31 PM (YES...I am more bloody efficient & more bloody programmed than your bloody suped up Macbook bloody Pro... I believe they call me Jono-Tron for a blooomin' reason) I scoured the internet for the latest Mix Cds, no particular genre or nuttin (I happen to be very eclectic as it goes) jus suttin that i could chill to.... it aint really a chillin' CD to be honest. Far from it actually... but if you like grime I'm sure you will appreciate it for what it is. BOOM. BOOM BOOM. BOOM BOOM BOOM... Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!

I ain't got a picture but this one of myself and my Steve Urkel TEE does the damn trick!


Tracklistin goes suttin like this... No. It is Actually this.
Wiley - Split down the middle
Mr Snowman - Be all right
Maniac - Ugly
Wretch 32 - Ina di Ghetto ft. Badness
Silkie - Test
Sukh knight - Up in Smoke
R.D - Rage
Eskz Medley
Sway - F ur X (Ft Stush)
Sticky - Golly gosh 2
Mr Snowman - Forward riddim remix
Alias - Fiction 2
Plastic man - Cha
Little Dee ft. O.G'Z - Passing threw
Big $hot - Stomp
Ghetto - Don't phone me
Terror Danjah - Zumpy hunter VIP
Jon E cash - Invasion VIP
Danny weed - Shank riddim (Wiley remix)
Crazy Titch - Singalong acapella
Dr Venom - Not wise
Faith sfx ft. Dot Rotten - I'm goin hard
Wiley - Igloo (Beat mix)
Dizzee Rascal - Street fighter
Dj Oddz - Strung up VIP
Ruff sqwad - Died in your arms

AND heres how you download this bludclart!!

GRIME + Steve Urkel= (SoooooooN Come BLUD)

Jonboy (LDN)

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Pleasure Pain Balanced Restored


Was in a hyped up mood today, banged out Next Hype from Peckham to Stratford and cudda sworn I’d seen Temps himself parring some guy on the roadside…or maybe I was just excited. What I did however see was a hottie which I believed was of Latin American descent walking through Canary Wharf sporting a pair of Insa Heels and leggings. I would like to say I Jizzed my pants but in all honesty it was closer to what I imagine a female to experience during multiple orgasms. HOTT SHITTT!!! Its h-actually one of those clothing lines that can make anyone pretty Jizz-tastic, even Gandhi or any run of the mill Female German Olympic Shotputter

*Maybe Ghandi wouldn't quite look like this but close enough


But then I saw an Asian man walking through Stratford wearing Michael Jackson boots from the bad video, with an Akademiks tracksuit, which he probably made himself, the sight caused me to throw up in my mouth and swallow it back down n wash down with my vitamin water(CRINGE!!!)…DASAPARRR!!!
So I thought I would leave you with this video which brings back memories

Public Transport + Asian Micheal Jackson/Asian Lethal B = What Da Fuck Is Wrong With Stratford

Nuff Said!!!