Saturday, 28 November 2009

You annOY MEEE!!

There this new Skins-like Tv series on channel 4 called "Missfits".... Its cool an everything (Im actually starting to get into it) BUT!!... There's one character on it that 'does my nut in! You have probably seen me cuss him already on facebookage...
Its the character Curtis (the black dude)..... all Im saying is.. hes like da worstestest actor ever... some of hes dialogue is cringe-worthy.

Ok so I'm gonna be A world class hater now and name the rest of the people on the visual box that annoy me in one way or de'over...

"I want to do a POO at Pauls" kid

That has to be like da most anoying advert on Tv. This kid needs to get taught sum manners with hes big head... no1 cares if you wan to do a poo at Pauls you little shit...

Sonia from Eastenders

Ok I'l be honest, the only thing anoying about her is her face... (not being rude btw)

Jeremy "Bloodclart" Kyle

If hes show was anything like The Jerry Springer show.. he would'nt be so brave! But on da other hand hes show sometimes is the cure for bordem...
Bottom line is... he a WANKER

Beyonce knowles-it all

There nothing more anoying than someone whos cannot put a foot wrong. I Swear she sold her soul of somthing... shes too damn PERFECT! In every way!
If she ever had a sextape i would actually give up my whole months wages plus trip up an elderly woman and kick her whiles shes down....just to watch her being doggied (not by Jayzee)...

Anoyin people + having the whole week off work + TV = A PHD (Player Hating Degree)


Be in Da Lupe... Enemy OF the state: A Love Story..

Yo av'a look da new Lupe Fiasco mixtape. I haven't listen to it yet.... I'm actually downloading as we speak. But 'word on the muvafuckin roads' is that its da dogs bollocks.
Well download it an lemme kno what you think... you shmell me?
(Its free by da way so no excuses)

*click HERE to Downlaod*


Thursday, 26 November 2009

Jizztastic faCes. Beautifulagony.COM

This website H-actually kept me entertained for about the best part of 10mins... A female friend of mine showed me it last night to cheer me up after watching my team (The Manchester of United) put in a shit performance and lose our unbeaten home record... is dedicated to the beauty of human orgasms... Basically is just shows different types of cum faces...

eres a snapshot from da website..

lol @ far right 3rd one down...

OK I kno we all have our very own Jizz'/arousal climax faces, and they are all probly as fucked up as da one on the site above. Truss me I've seen sum pretty fucked up female ones in my life time..
Ive captured a couple orgasm faces with my trusty b&w camera... Also given em names aswel...

iZe passes out mid-orgasm! an jonboy with da one-eyed jizz

Negs "Exoctic Jizz"

The "Old Man heart Attack" 

The "Double Excitement climax".. nice...

Far Left: The "aarhhh" climax... and joeys "stressful" climax

Jonboys back with the "One-eyed" jizz face..

The "shit! you caught me!" 

 The "Jizz in my Pants" skank

 The 'Rude Boy' ..

The "satisfied yet slightly camp" 

Orgasm expressions + your lover watching you during sex = "You look so butters when you make that face"


Hotty of the Week

Now really and truly this one should have been last week but Rosa Acosta’s thighs…oh my, oh my, what a prize…but seriously. Last week we attended the Reebok Pump 20th anniversary party at the concept store in Shoreditch and about 6 free bottles of beers into the night in she walked 5’8 inches of pure woman…with her 32E-24-35 measurements draggin all the man dems eyes with her. Only after the fly flew in and out of my mouth did i realise that i was not dreaming. It took me back 2 my youth, you know before rudetube, empiflix and spankwire…yeah the days of the FHM and GQ pin ups. So Kelly Brook…this goes out to you, you, you, my number one

Unfortunately there's no videos of her stretching in a one piece leotard but apparently girls use their imaginations when tryna get their rocks off...I know thats Insane right.

*I would punch a toddler in the face to be that one piece she is wearing



Wednesday, 25 November 2009

SIXTH SENSE computers - "I see naked people"

Right…so if you’re a fiend for technology and all things sci-fi, check out this video. It’s of a demonstration of a creation by an inventor from India called Pranav Mistry. This shit will literally blow the brains out of MAC and Microsoft and potentially force them into bankruptcy. This video is neither funny nor sexual in anyway…I know, your thinking what’s wrong with you Joey, but sometimes I just get bored of tits and ass…who am I kidding!!!

*For more vids on future technology and amazing stuff check out the TED website here…oh yeah, more tits and ass soon cum

SixthSense computers + JoeyDaKid = “U mean I can actually feel Cherokee’s ass”

Free cock rings for all!!!


HalF-Cabs LX's......dirty Vans obseSSion.!

As most people know... The only name you ever see on my feet are Vans.. no need to explain why.. I just like wearing em init..
Eres a preview of the 2010 spring/summer edition... Introducing the new Half Cab LX's with 4 different colorways all in suede with black detail round da laces... I think they come out round march/april times... Which is around the same kinda time I was delivered into this world... so one of you bitches best be buyin me a pair!! "u feel me??"...

Sick! The green and the brown ones have my name written all over them...

Well eres my 'dirty' Half Cab collection/obsession so far.. It should be double by da new year.... (sad I know)...

"College Half Cab Pro"... youve probly seen me rinsing these..

Red TRI-Tones, Puple/ black originals, also pair of leather ones in the somewer......

Its not just Half Cabs I flaunt...

Vans + New Half Cabs + suede = "offthewALL Like Vans logos...."

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

I Say Get YourSelF One oF tHese!!!

Lads... I know there are just times in your life where you just think to yourself "gosh...i wish someone invented..blah blah blah"......
Well fear not.. here are are 3 products to get you through obstacles that life throws at us..

1. You are at a 'posh' dinner/banquet .... you are having soup (which can be tricky if your not carefull) but you are scared of getting soup stains on your suit, but also don't wanna look like a KNOB by putting a napkin down your shirt...
I say get yourself one of these...

"The TieTissue keeps look looking Smart while you Slobber Soup"

2. You wake up in the middle of the night coz you need to tinkle, you drank too much at the posh dinner and obviously forgot to take a piss before you went to bed... but you are 'shook' of turning the light orrrn because the misses will bite your head off!
I say get yourself one of these......

"The Shinning Slipper can prevent accident in the dark"

3. Your old. Still need to shag.. Its hard enough getting it up in the first place but your misses doesn't help because she is old an wrinkly. You are scared of overdosing on Viagra because you need at least 5 to get it up..
I say get yourself one of these..

*CAUTION* apply only ONE Coat for Comfort


Saturday, 21 November 2009

SeX on LeGs!!!

Ok in my humble opinion.. a lady's thighs are incredibly shexy... especially the thick-ass ones (not fat).. that are like ...WHOOAA!!.. or... BLOOODCLAARRTT!... yes you get da picture.

Definition of 'Thick Thighs' for the urban dictionary:
"Thighs that are not fat, yet have great size. Allowing one not to 'break' a chick during sex. thighs that do not jiggle, but a little Jiggle isn't gonna do anybody no harm."

To give you visual stimulation of what I'm on about, i got sum celebrity thighs to talk to ya!.

Yes Marilyn Monroe has got them Retro thunders...

Miss Burke's Roberto Carlos-like drumsticks can literally burst a football with one kick!

Tina Tuner the original mother of thick thigh-ness..ness

Rihanna's doubles would squeeze any geezer to pre-mature ejaculation..

I think the 'Queen B's powerful thighs is the source of all her evil masonic powers.. (am I allowed to say that?)

Thunder thigh + sexy time + a dominant female = "Bitch you got some anaconda grip! ahhh my spine!!"


Friday, 20 November 2009

ChaLK arT!

This old skool artist called Julian Beever draws 3D images 'pon de floor!' ... they look sick!! I tell ya! He is an English artist who loves drawing on pavements all over the world... I swear at first it got me baffed of what was real an what wasn't...

Well cast your glaring eyes upon these perplexed yet satisfying images below..!

Sick init.....

chalk + artist + pavement = "fack! I hope it doesn't rain any time soon!"


Thursday, 19 November 2009

Hotty of The Week

Anyone who has had the pleasure of chilling me, knows that I am not of fan of celebrities and furthermore tend to hate people who feel the need to fill their heads with useless trivia about people who have no idea that they exist, but pussyclart rants aside, I do appreciate the curves and tittays of some of the “beautiful people” and lesser known mini celebs…

Presenting the hotty of the week…

Rosa Acosta…this girl is shit hott…SHIT HOTTT!!!

Apparently this bird is in a relationship with quite possibly the worst musician in the industry…Soldier Boy, so yes…that’s right we all have a higher than usual chance of being her next lay as soon as she sees sense and kicks his ass to da kerb

Leotard + Rosa Acosta = UMM UMM UMM, I need a tissue, fuck it this sock will do

Yours Faithfully


Thursday, 12 November 2009

ParaNORMAL Activty!!.... or just PaRanoiD.?

My homegirl Olive told me bout this movie couple weeks ago...
So last night I went to watch a Special screening of Paranormal Activity at da Mafair Hotel with the lovely Jets, who got us tickets.. I Think it comes out properly in cinemas like in 2weeks time or sumfin... dunno..
Theres a big buzz around this film Its meant to be da scariest film this year!!

Obviously being a hard muvafucker.. I haven't been shaken up by ANY film since I watch CandyMan when I was at da tender age of ten, then my bro forced me to stand in front of the mirror an say 'candyman' 5 times ... which consequently lead to me nearly shitting my pants and goin to primary school looking fucked up 4 2weeks coz I was to scared to look in da mirror..(I am not a pussy-ole any more btw)

Anywayzzz brav!..Check out da trailer..

Apparently its based on'a true story.....

Im not gonna give it away but after watching Paranormal activty.. .. Candyman is still da only film that fucked with me mind!.... good idea an film tho definitely worth a watch an definitely makes da hair on your bollocks stand up abit....
Myb if I watched it on a lonley week night in me bedroom..I might hav been shiting my pants but..hey..I wasnt..

Paranormal Activity + special mafair screening = da "scream 'o' meter" hitting da roof!


Wednesday, 11 November 2009

toPic oF tHe daY: TATTOOS!

Recently I've been watching alot of 'Maimi Ink'  (da old series ..da new ones are kinda shit)... an as you would expect it to get me pondering about getting a tattoo.... naa Im past that stage for now. Wanted a sleeve but fack me its become as common as girls getting the "booty crease tramp stamp" (I didn't make up that name btw).... all look good but uno... plus "me skin too dark marrn" (yardi accent)
I know we have seen some cool ass tattoos and then think shit.. why didn't I think of that 1st...

But as uve probably guest I'm gonna unveil to you some really funny and shit ones...

How fucked up is that ay?

Food for Thought...?

She swings both ways...

If Ray did get murdered.. I wonder who would be top of the suspect list?

Ok 1st of all.. that film was WACK YO! ....2nd.. whyyyyyy????

WOW.... he actually did it..

So that's what Wolfs eat for dinner...?

What race do u think this guy is... this could be very usefully..

Can this tattoo artist even draw.??...officialy da worst memorial tattoo...

Idle mind + back street/ home tattoo parlors + I have a clever idea = "ahh shit im stuck with this forever!!"