Even though we haven't posted in Cocaine't 4 Kidz for fuck knows how long, life getting a bit more serious and fast paced has left me wanting to let off steam a lot more often. So I'm here first of all, mainly to let anybody who followed us, follows us or is just out there in general; know that 1 half of the Cocaine't team namely @T_offthewALL and JoeyDaKid (@JoeyNomadic) have started a Men's Accessories brand called Nomadic People.
Supermalt & Guinness... as my pops would say... SUUPAMOT!! To wash down sum mouth watering Jelof and fried rice...
Not forgetting there is like 500 people in a hall with a maximum capacity of 100.. and by the end of the night you go home with packed lunch for work the next day and a whole bunch of random gifts such as mugs, bags, umbrellas and household cleaning products like bleach with da celebrants face on it....
You gotta love your culture..
Nigerians + big hall + birthday/wedding = "DANCE DANCE DANCE.. AND FORGET YOUR SORROWS!"
We've been gone for a hot minute, tryna get some personal issues sorted out, like gettin my third nipple surgically removed or JonBoy getting his Circuits rewired. Whatever the reason we were gone, I've decided that I'm going to return to posting as quite a few people actually enjoyed my posts and gave us quite a bit of shit for not Posting.
So just an easy one to kick off...
Take a look at the latest Promo for my homies @Origmoz and @EmaTheKid for the soon to be released mixtape, ABOVE & BEYOND!!!
This is the kinda easy laid back listening I need in order to be productive, so I'm actually mad excited, and pee'd myself a little when I heard the instrumental in the Video...the video production is pretty tight too.
Above & Beyond + Chicken + Kush Sativa = Creativity cummin out my balls!!!
He had it all... the fans loved him, his enemies respected him enough not to bother with voodoo, an adoring wife!! mothers compared their children to him, fathers called him 'son'. Presidents called him for advice. There was even a rise in the number of kids called Bobby!!! But on Sunday 22nd August, the Worlds greatest hero fell to one of the most ugly illnesses ever created by the CIA, they feared he would blow the lid on fake intelligence that would allow corrupt governments to have Mind Control over their subjects and was thus purposely infected with the MUMP's virus!!!!!
Mumps, if u havent had it is the baddest, meanest, gnarliest virus a man can get. On the Sunday i looked like i got into a fight with a young, fit, Mike Tyson and he just wanted to punch the right side of my face, next to my jaw. I musta been Rocky and not known when enuff was enuff cos by Monday morning both sides of my face had been patted by those cruel gloves and the swelling was ugly!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3wuXyOUKJw
I have this theory, if a human being's vitals drop lower than 7%, they are probably headed for the upper room!! I can maybe laugh it off now but when i was on 8% vitality, unable to move, swollen face, unable to eat because of swollen saliva glands and jaw paralysis, i started to wonder if the upper room would be better for me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxP1Z-a2Yn4&feature=related
As i felt sorry for myself wondering if the curse was ever gonna shift, another bombshell dropped that definately nearly took me to 7%, My baby making capsule started to ache, with one pod growing to almost twice the size of the other and the pain delievered to the body upon urinating can only be described as frightening, in fact no word of a lie I passed out the first time and almost the 2nd. The pain is the equivalent of having a mentally challenged gorilla trying to give you a handjob!! (not soo far fetched as some ppl still insist AIDs came about from man fuckin a monkey) The delirium that accompanies the pain saw me imagining John Coffey walking into my room and saying, 'Bobby, i'm here to helps take it away' touch my nuts and my jaw and spit flies out his mouth! However in clearer thought i'm not sure if i'd be comfy with a guy like that coming into my room when im defenceless, he may 'take away' more than i want took!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA9MpkJ_iWM
I cant be assed to write anymore but u also lose erectile functions for the duration of the ordeal...ive had it, will never have it again...MMR dont save you for sure...good luck
Seeing as our beloved England blessed us with da sickest weather of the year so far on friday....
Couple of the lads spontaneously met up in Brick Lane for some red stripe and did abit'a fixie cruising....
.... and all I gotta say is.. BobbyDigital aka Raph is da biggest show off on this planet...
If like me you spent your May wages before May even kicked in, on repairing your God forsaken car, buying new parts for your fixie, binging on Haribos Starmix (only the fried eggs and love hearts), then like me you'll love this. A whole bunch of free weekend events which are guaranteed to keep a smile on your gob.
1. NYC Streetwear giants MISHKA, are teaming up with I HEART... who brought you I HEART SECOND-SON to provide another free rooftop BBQ and music in THE MACBETH in Hoxton. Gets our Cocaine't4kidZ guarantee to be a good'un.
2. White Kids present...Bounty/POP UP Pirates Launch party. Now we all know what BOUNTY is about, if you dont read the fucking flyer Moron and past experiences tell us that this is gonna be a MUDNESSSS!!! In my opinion Pop UP Pirates is an unknown option, but da DJ lineup clarifies any confusion, definitely spoilt for choice on Friday night...how often does that happen and you dont have to pay.
3. ...finally Blogging Champions YO MAMA present BEEF...East Coast VS West Coast @ the people dems favourite venue THE MACBETH. Oh yeah, did I mention that its free.
What about Sunday? You ask...What the fuck you think this is, I work a 9-5 man, everyone knows Thursdays are the new Fridays
And there you have it...I lay it out for you to play it out
WHATS POPPIN' EVERYONE!!!! Bobby Digital, newest member of the Cocaine't 4 Kidz team, in truth i requested to be a publisher cos, well, im a fuckin dweeb like that and figured my hands would be better occupied typin shit to u guys than beatin my meat to videos of chicks gettin banged by midgets and Lionel Messi highlight reels (yes im fuckin with u)!!!
Straight into the deep end though with one of my favourite topics...Ass!!!! You ask me on anyday of the week what my favourite is out of tits and ass and just like a black man dont mix his liquor, i dont mix my answer...Ass winds, face down ass up (i meant hands down). However it appears some of you buzzards are unaware what it is to have a nice ass, or indeed what a nice ass looks like, so im taking it upon myself to educate y'all as i was educated!!!
Join me as we enter...the AssMatrix..............http://www.assmatrix.com/
Now before some of u start worryin about ur IP address or the FBI monitoring you, this is not a porn site, its purely educational...however if u get wood, whatever you do from that point onwards is personal!
This site taught me that size and perceived shape aint always correct. You know when you see a broad in leggings or jeggings or booty jeans and you be walking to Lidl to buy fake supermalt and that ass just stops you in your tracks; sometimes you are being deceived by that said item being a couple of sizes too small so it just forces shape (this is often highlighted by side muffin) or the other extreme when the broad is hench and she wears tight shit that holds her junk/garbage in place, lookin like custard in a bin bag!!!! (im very aware that i could be parring a few beanies and to that end i apologise).
The site Assmatrix does not merely tell you if you have a nice ass or a pound of flesh, it analyses the booty to such degrees that...well...its science and you cannot argue with science of this nature which is soo roundly researched, some of you fuckers can thank me later for bringing this shit to your attention.
The following excerpt from the site gives ya more info on the kinda stuff they educate folks on, so you dont leave the club with the chick who you think has the tightest body but indeed is Michelin man and your ashamed to tell your homies about the following day!!!lol
CONFUSION AMONGST THE RANKS
A Ghetto Booty is an acquired taste. You have to be from environments that embrace chicks who have a little more pounds on their butts, might not be 'perfect' by a Hollywood throwup standard, but amongst it's own groupings, gets its own ranking system. Also, men, as they get older, come into their own and actually prefer the women with the size on them. They want that woman you can lay down with in bed all day, and that's where the ones with a little bit of size come into play. But where are you hands going to rest, on the body of a chick with a little mean to her? On her booty, naturally! Many people DO rank the types of booty they see, but many other dudes just get turned on with ANYTHING they see that is an exposed bunch of meat. You see the dude with the HUGE, OBESE chick and he's cuffing her back/ass/thigh whatever the hell that is back there, and is swearing that's an ass, gassing her head up too, so she's out in a thong! YUCK! But you must examine WHY these chicks come out dressing all exposed and nasty looking, well it's YOUR FAULT! You made them think they were hot! IT IS YOUR DAMN DOING, TYRONE AND BILLY-BOBS OF THE WORLD!!!
It's time to clear up what's a good ghetto booty versus a heaping pile of lard, and also expose the tricks used to fool most dudes into thinking it's thick, or a chick has a Ghetto Booty, when clearly it was not. You'll look at some of these things and maybe you can see why someone would be confused and think a chick's ass was Ghetto Booty Elite versus just a shape-shifting lump of loose, flat jello. The thing is that the fatter chicks just recycle techniques they see smaller bodied women doing. So let's look into some of this trickery that fools you into thinking something is hot, clear it really is not. Looks great, right? Minus the inconsistencies in the shape of the ass, where it looks father FLAT in the middle of the ass, yet so round on the outskirts of the ass, even though the ass is in tight jeans, and the huge affect of the FISH EYE LENS to make the ass look wide and full... OH YEAH THAT WAS A TRICK too, the camera angle/ lens ! The problem with most Ghetto Booty is it's not consistently round all over, it shape-shifts depending on angle of woman, clothes she's wearing, etc. If booty isn't consistently the same shape, or look, come on now, how can that be a nice ass? How do you know if that Booty is really as solid, round and thick as it advertises?
Real talk huh?!?! So henceforth, at times some of you lot might hear me say, 'she has no business in them jeans' its because my mind has been saved from the deceit of mankind and i'm on a higher booty path...though i won't lie...if there is enuff to hold onto, it looks good and my homies may never find out...I'd probably still beat it like it owes me money!!!!
I got serious shit to do now like watch Takeshi's Castle....I'm Bobby Digital and this is my first post!!!! peace
Reset is back once again... so if you need some fresssssh T's for da summer this is da place to be.... come down and Cop some garmz from the the sickest local brands on Saturday and Sunday 29th &30th of May..
So we've got a new member of da Cocaine't massive...
"He sheds skin twice a year"
"He doesn't play the lottery.. because he already has enough balls"
"He knows everything there is to know... except the definition of mercy"
"He drinks Napalm to soothen heartburn"
"He CAN slam a revolving door!"
But to be honest all we know is that hes name is Bobbydigital...
What is he going to bring to the blog? I hear you ask... well fuck knows im asking the same question myself, but one things for sure he has love for the POONANI just like all da other Cocaine't memebers..