So I was sitting at ma desk at work da ova day working hard at finding more efficient ways of avoding work. Then BANG!! my Blackberry started vibrating n flashing... my mate PornoSil. We regularly conversate on why the world is the way it is, with regards to relationships between males and females, i.e. males just wanna "Get up in the cut like DETTOL!!!" and girls just wanna love and be loved.
After lengthy discussion we both managed to agree that there are two types of people in this world...CRAZY and SANE withe different variations for male and female.
SANE Males:
Typical run of the mill guy, will call your phone once, talks to maybe 1 - 3 girls at once when not in a relationship, avoids commitment, bashes at least 3-5 a week to a good porno and knows a couple porn stars, front about how they feel and withold emotions
CRAZY males:
Will call your phone non stop until da police need to be involved, doesnt bash or bashes 1-3 times a week not to visual stimulae but to his own warped imgaination, calls you "baby", has hit a girl before out of love and not anger, talk to you about having their baby not for family reasons but for ownership and tries to cut you off from the rest of the world, possibly have a sexual offence
*Christian Bale about to ''boy off da ting'' in American Psycho
SANE Female:
Does not masturbate or watch porn, talks about herself all the time, avoids being in her own presence regularly, calls your phone once and once only...
As you can see there is not much info on Sane females as they are thought to be a pre -historic and extinct creature
CRAZY females:
Masturbate, and can hold a great convo on who's who of the porno industry, from Lacey DuValle to Mr Marcus, are passionate kissers and sensitive, say your name more than 6 times in a conversation, flick their hair/weave back wen its not in their face, have had a pet pass away, have low anger tolerance and high tempers and experience a dichotemy of mood swings e.g. happiness to jealous, rage to empathy.
*Glen Close (da original bunny boiler) in Fatal Attraction
With the aid of PornoSil (a self confessed Crazy Female) I came up with sum mathematical equations to summarise relationships
Crazy guy + Crazy girl = Accidental Death (not recommended)
Crazy guy + Sane girl = Murder (most likely strangulation)
Sane girl + Sane guy = Boring!!! (woah...is that the time? did u just see dat tumble weed roll by…)
Crazy girl + Sane guy = Great Sex (scratches on back, ice cream, marshmallow, biting, feathers...)
*This post does not necessarily reflect the views and beliefs of Cocaine't 4 kidZ
"Having a sane girl is kool n all, but sane dnt get u woman in a purple trenchcoat waiting 4u at a busstop wearin nuffin but lingerie n knee high boots"...PornoSil
Feel free to comment on characteristics which you think are missing
Im all mathed out so no round up calculations this time
Nuff Said!!!
JoeyDaKid